The Ashes: Sledging’s late arrival sets tone for a bitter winter Down Under, “No one likes you, Kevin,” is what Michael Clarke is believed to have told him when a sometimes soporific day flared into crowd-pleasing rancour.
At last, some Ashes edge. There have been sporadic skirmishes in this series but the two teams have mostly steered clear of industrial-scale sledging. Chortling in the Test Match Special commentary box as Pietersen and Clarke set about each other was Phil Tufnell, who was once asked by an Australian tormentor: “Hey, Tufnell, can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot.”
This time, the flashpoint is thought to have been a distinctly retro attempt to soften up Ian Bell, a favourite target of the baggy greens. Have they not been reading the scoreboard? Bell’s imperious batting has been England’s greatest asset in this series. To taunt him for being milky these days is like putting a Buddy Holly record on at a rave.
But Pietersen, who was removed as England captain in 2009, jumped into the leader’s role to stick up for the stylish and newly toughened Bell. That caused Clarke to shout a challenge from first slip to the non-striker’s end, and Pietersen to reply, according to reports: “No one likes you either, and you’re the captain.”
This battle between the two 'metrosexuals’ to depict each other as outcasts was not only entertaining but informative. It said that Australia have been frustrated to hell and back in this Test. Desperate for a win to swing the pendulum back their way, they endured tardy English bowling on Thursday, then an attempt by Pommy batsmen to kill the game before the expected rain sets in today.
The Oval is Pietersen’s stage. He was bound to control the narrative as he endeavoured to draw level with Herbert Sutcliffe as the only batsman to score five Test centuries on this ground. He shares his tally of four with Len Hutton, Wally Hammond and David Gower. Before joining the England innings he was presented with an encased silver bat as his country’s leading scorer in all formats. His 13,320 runs since 2004 have included 23 Test centuries: two fewer than Alastair Cook.
A Surrey player now, Pietersen was sure to radiate a proprietorial air on the turf where he made his worldwide breakthrough with a majestic innings of 158 not out in 2005. His return to the England fold after the South Africa text-message farrago was pragmatic on both sides. If his relationship with the other players lacks a certain bonhomie, nobody could question his attitude or professionalism in this series, except in press conferences, where he has displayed glaring hostility to the media.
As if to emphasise his willingness to support the team (and thereby extend his Test career), Pietersen obeyed the party line, defying Australia’s efforts to hurry them into following on. His fifty came off 127 balls and took 180 minutes. It was his slowest in the Ashes. Only once did he fully free his arms, ending a spell of 11 overs without a boundary to lift the ball back over Steve Smith’s head.
Across the innings, England scored at 2.12 an over. A late ticket purchase for this third day would have cost you £199 on the internet. Watching this final Test has been a bit like reading the credits after a night at the cinema. Australia are desperate to win after their big first-innings total. England, who promised a scorched-earth end to the series, are content not to lose.
With this aim in mind, Pietersen adopted a belligerent stance at the crease but declined to use his weapon. The spat with Clarke was probably just what he wanted to satisfy his adrenalin need for the day. Australia decided before this series not to provoke L’Etranger on the grounds that it would be counter-productive. The theory is that Pietersen likes being yapped at because it helps him concentrate and appeals to his macho side.
But Clarke could not contain his own combative urges in the 81st over, when umpire Aleem Dar had to tell them all to cease and desist. Both umpires converged on the two England batsmen to discuss the contretemps. In the next over Ryan Harris made a point of glaring at Pietersen and both groups sidled off for tea fighting the temptation to start it up again.
A day after Australia’s coach, Darren Lehmann, was fined for urging the Australian public to demonise Stuart Broad in the winter, Clarke seized his opportunity to roust his own troops by separating Pietersen from the herd.
Australia’s captain knows that Pietersen cannot be rattled by a bit of chirping about his popularity rating in the England dressing room. The purpose was probably to encourage his own men to be more aggressive when the old enemies converge again in Brisbane on
Nov 21 for the return series.
Soon, Australia were rid of the Oval cavalier. Pietersen dabbed at a Mitchell Starc delivery outside his off stump and clipped the ball to Shane Watson at slip.
Before that, he had instructed spectators at both ends of the ground to sit down with all the grumpiness of a cold and hungry nightclub bouncer. For England, it is no bad thing to see him in this mood. If no one likes him, he hardly seems to care.
At last, some Ashes edge. There have been sporadic skirmishes in this series but the two teams have mostly steered clear of industrial-scale sledging. Chortling in the Test Match Special commentary box as Pietersen and Clarke set about each other was Phil Tufnell, who was once asked by an Australian tormentor: “Hey, Tufnell, can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot.”
This time, the flashpoint is thought to have been a distinctly retro attempt to soften up Ian Bell, a favourite target of the baggy greens. Have they not been reading the scoreboard? Bell’s imperious batting has been England’s greatest asset in this series. To taunt him for being milky these days is like putting a Buddy Holly record on at a rave.
But Pietersen, who was removed as England captain in 2009, jumped into the leader’s role to stick up for the stylish and newly toughened Bell. That caused Clarke to shout a challenge from first slip to the non-striker’s end, and Pietersen to reply, according to reports: “No one likes you either, and you’re the captain.”
This battle between the two 'metrosexuals’ to depict each other as outcasts was not only entertaining but informative. It said that Australia have been frustrated to hell and back in this Test. Desperate for a win to swing the pendulum back their way, they endured tardy English bowling on Thursday, then an attempt by Pommy batsmen to kill the game before the expected rain sets in today.
The Oval is Pietersen’s stage. He was bound to control the narrative as he endeavoured to draw level with Herbert Sutcliffe as the only batsman to score five Test centuries on this ground. He shares his tally of four with Len Hutton, Wally Hammond and David Gower. Before joining the England innings he was presented with an encased silver bat as his country’s leading scorer in all formats. His 13,320 runs since 2004 have included 23 Test centuries: two fewer than Alastair Cook.
A Surrey player now, Pietersen was sure to radiate a proprietorial air on the turf where he made his worldwide breakthrough with a majestic innings of 158 not out in 2005. His return to the England fold after the South Africa text-message farrago was pragmatic on both sides. If his relationship with the other players lacks a certain bonhomie, nobody could question his attitude or professionalism in this series, except in press conferences, where he has displayed glaring hostility to the media.
As if to emphasise his willingness to support the team (and thereby extend his Test career), Pietersen obeyed the party line, defying Australia’s efforts to hurry them into following on. His fifty came off 127 balls and took 180 minutes. It was his slowest in the Ashes. Only once did he fully free his arms, ending a spell of 11 overs without a boundary to lift the ball back over Steve Smith’s head.
Across the innings, England scored at 2.12 an over. A late ticket purchase for this third day would have cost you £199 on the internet. Watching this final Test has been a bit like reading the credits after a night at the cinema. Australia are desperate to win after their big first-innings total. England, who promised a scorched-earth end to the series, are content not to lose.
With this aim in mind, Pietersen adopted a belligerent stance at the crease but declined to use his weapon. The spat with Clarke was probably just what he wanted to satisfy his adrenalin need for the day. Australia decided before this series not to provoke L’Etranger on the grounds that it would be counter-productive. The theory is that Pietersen likes being yapped at because it helps him concentrate and appeals to his macho side.
But Clarke could not contain his own combative urges in the 81st over, when umpire Aleem Dar had to tell them all to cease and desist. Both umpires converged on the two England batsmen to discuss the contretemps. In the next over Ryan Harris made a point of glaring at Pietersen and both groups sidled off for tea fighting the temptation to start it up again.
A day after Australia’s coach, Darren Lehmann, was fined for urging the Australian public to demonise Stuart Broad in the winter, Clarke seized his opportunity to roust his own troops by separating Pietersen from the herd.
Australia’s captain knows that Pietersen cannot be rattled by a bit of chirping about his popularity rating in the England dressing room. The purpose was probably to encourage his own men to be more aggressive when the old enemies converge again in Brisbane on
Nov 21 for the return series.
Soon, Australia were rid of the Oval cavalier. Pietersen dabbed at a Mitchell Starc delivery outside his off stump and clipped the ball to Shane Watson at slip.
Before that, he had instructed spectators at both ends of the ground to sit down with all the grumpiness of a cold and hungry nightclub bouncer. For England, it is no bad thing to see him in this mood. If no one likes him, he hardly seems to care.
